Made to Change
I don’t want change. Because then that means that I have to care. Think. Feel. All of which are too scary right now. I am where I am and I don’t want to think about what that means. I’m relatively content where I am. I have made myself okay with my life. So even if it means being happier, I don’t want anything to change. I don’t care about the possibility of being happier, I am just terrified of the risk and the chance that I can fall and fall hard. Lose everyone that I love, find out that I’m not as memorable or important as I hoped I was. In just one day, everything will change. What state I live in, what I call home, who my friends are. I don’t know who I am, so I use where I live as my idenity. But I won’t be able to soon. I will be in three different states. And won’t belong in any of them.
I’m so weak. I can’t do this. I haven’t been able to face these things with my best friends supporting me. How am I going to do it by myself, when they are all gone?
